Anniversary
by Blue Tears
Summary: Song Fic: Unhappy Anniversary-//“The unhappy anniversary of his death…is today// What happens when you live a dream not worth living...Please R


Anniversary  
  
AN: okee when I was younger I really liked Vitamin C and I thought this song is perfect for a post 26 song fic. In this story Spike is dead, sorry this is the only one I'll have him do that. This is Faye's way of getting through the anniversary of his death. //song lyrics//  
  
  
  
//You ask me, how am I?//  
  
  
  
The zombie like shell of a once proud and strong woman stood in the living room of the Bebop looking around dry faced and emotionless. "Faye, are you alright?" Jet asked concerned for his younger friend. She looked at him blankly before turning away. "Do you know what today is Jet?" She asked, no emotion in her voice. He stared at her turned back knowing exactly what she spoke of. "Faye don't do anything you'll regret today..." He told her scared of what she might do. She herself didn't know how she was going to make it through this day. She started walking away from him but stopped at the doorway. She turned her head, her violet hair flying over her shoulder. "I'm alive at least...that's something." Her cold voice cracked as she turned away and walked slowly to his room.  
  
  
  
//Well I'm still standing, aren't I?  
  
That's something, that's one thing that's gone my way//  
  
  
  
She flipped the lights on and walked into his dust-covered room. "Four years Spike. Four years.." All the years before she had gone to a bar and slept with the first guy she saw that reminded her the slightest bit of him. She would get drunk and wake up in the morning hung over like he used to get after a night of drinking away his long lost love. She had become him. Just living in a dream, a never-ending nightmare. It sort of comforted her that she was living like he had, the same loveless life that drug on forever.  
  
  
  
//It's so hard, to go out, like everything ok//  
  
  
  
She had tried to act like nothing fazed her; like Spike had acted ever time she smiled at him. Almost nothing fazed him..only one person could do that and he was lying cold in the ground next to her. Faye missed him so much.  
  
  
  
//When inside, I still cry for yesterday//  
  
  
  
She wanted everything to go back the way it had been before. She didn't care if he hated her, would never love her, she just wanted to be able to wake up every morning and see his cocky arrogant loveless face.  
  
  
  
//This is my unhappy anniversary  
  
But I lie, saying it's just another day  
  
This is my unhappy anniversary, oh//  
  
  
  
She walked to his bed laying down on it as dust flew up in the air. She rolled over her back and hair covered in years of dust. She opened his nightstand drawer. She smiled. "Just what I need.." She pulled the small shot glass and Vodka from the drawer. The glass clinked against each other as she poured a shot.  
  
  
  
//I know it's so stupid to feel brokenhearted//  
  
  
  
She looked into the thick liquor. 'This is so stupid. How can I act so heartbroken when he never loved me.." She though seeing her pale reflection in the pungent alcohol.  
  
  
  
//I wonder if you know just how much I hurt//  
  
  
  
'That selfish bastard probably never gave on seconds though to how I would feel if he just left me to die. He was to caught up in his tragic dead blond.'  
  
  
  
//I drink up and think up a toast to numb the hours//  
  
  
  
She raised her glass. "To those who're dead and gone..To those who've loved and lost...To those who stand alone.." She whispered bringing the glass to her ruby lips that yearned for his as she poured the burning liquor down her throat. Her eyes squinted as she swallowed and placed the glass back in the drawer. The glass hit something metallic. She looked into the drawer.  
  
  
  
//To get through without you is so hard today  
  
Cause it's//  
  
  
  
Her breath stopped. She reached inside and grasped the cold metal handle of the gun. She stared at it as if she had had an epiphany. She crossed her legs resting her back on the headboard of his bed.  
  
  
  
//This is my unhappy anniversary//  
  
  
  
"It's just another day.."  
  
  
  
//But I lie, saying it's just another day  
  
This is my unhappy anniversary, oh//  
  
  
  
"The day you died..."  
  
  
  
//And now it's near midnight, a few minutes and I//  
  
  
  
She looked at the digital clock resting on top of the nightstand next to the now half empty Vodka bottle. '11:55 pm' She had sat there for hours drinking and considering the end.  
  
  
  
//Return to get back to my former life//  
  
  
  
'Could I ever get back to normal?' She thought checking to see if the gun was loaded. 'Did I ever have a normal everyday life?' There was one bullet left for her.  
  
  
  
//Pretending our ending was not so bad, I know that//  
  
  
  
The rest of the year she acted like he had everyday. In a dream, a perpetual nightmare that she was now stuck in for the rest of her life.  
  
  
  
//It's time to escape you until next year//  
  
She didn't know if she could take another minute, hour, day, week, month, let alone year without him.  
  
  
  
//This is my unhappy anniversary  
  
But I lie, saying it's just another day  
  
This is my unhappy anniversary, oh//  
  
  
  
"The unhappy anniversary of his death..is today." She pulled the top of the barrel of the gun back lockin' and loadin' it.  
  
  
  
//This is my unhappy anniversary//  
  
  
  
"Spike I wanna be with you!" She whispered looking in the drawer for the last time. There was an envelope inside it with her name on it. She pulled it out flipping the paper clasp open.  
  
  
  
//But I smile like it's just another day  
  
It's just my unhappy anniversary//  
  
  
  
'Faye this world is nothing but a dream. I've left you to find out what's on the other side to be with Julia. I hope you never know the constant torture and agony of living with out that special someone. I hope you never have to live in a dream world..not even you deserve that Faye Valentine. I just wrote this so you'd know that I don't hate you and I just want you to know what I did I did because I needed to.' She tore the paper. 'See selfish!' she though looking at the gun again. "If you just wanted to find out what was on the other side because you had no reason to live anymore. Then I'm comin' Spike. You were all I had to live for and now...' She looked at the clock, 11:59. Same damn day.  
  
  
  
//It's just my unhappy anniversary//  
  
  
  
She brought the gun to the side of her head and held it. "The cowards way out.." she closed her eyes. "I loved you more then life its self Spike." She whispered.  
  
"Bang!"  
  
-To Be Continued  
  
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AN: I think I'll give this one more chapter-Beyond the Dream.- if life is but a dream what happens when we die? Is it only in so called "death" that we are truly living? Well I hope you liked it! Please review and tell me if the next chapter sounds interesting! PLEASE review!!! I LOVE hearin' from ya'll cause it makes me want to write more. Teehee 


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